Erka

No lies, no pretending, no sugar-coating, and no faking it.

I will tell you a secret; something they do not teach you in your temple. The gods envy us; they envy us, because we're mortal, because, any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful, because we are doomed. You will never be lovelier, than you are now. We will never be here again.


Not many people take the time to read about me's, when I think everyone should read them to better educate themselves on the human psyche.
My life has been one big evolutionary track.
Im always changing.
Not always for the better, but I believe change is a decent thing to have.
Im allowing you to judge me.
Im allowing you to tear what I am apart.
Because I'd do the same thing to you.
Im nothing of what you might think I am.
Im not going to give you, some watered down explanation, of why the sky is blue.
I find people to cling to because I need someone, there to be my ground, or Id simply float away.
Ive always got something to say.
My sarcasm is hard to catch on to.
My life is good, my life is bad.
I have everything I could wish for but yet I have nothing at all.
I am the happiest person you will meet; I am the saddest person you will ever know.
I am not crazy but I feel I am losing my mind.
I'm unique, but how can I be unique if everyone else claims to be also

I learned that perfection is another word for flaws and with flaws, you lack no perfection.
I live in a world of misunderstood minds and not so rational beings.
We will never change; even when the world ends we stand to be irrelevant.
I live life to my preference because Im only living once.
I want to enjoy every bit of it.
So please worry about yourself and not me.
I think you should all stop wasting precious time judging anothers life.
Im really shy, and a lot of the time I dont know how to respond to people.
I love stars; they are the most beautiful thing ever.
I like to day dream and I am deeply in love with sight seeing,
I want to travel the world and capture whats left of its beauty, everything we havent completely destroyed yet.
I am a strong person, the parts of me that need to change are changing and I'm working harder at being happy,
I will never settle again because I know better and I've had enough bad experiences,
I will not trust anyone who's not trustworthy and I will never give my heart up to anyone but the most deserving person.

Im just a small town girl in a big, big world.
I live just like any other human,
My grass is just a little greener than yours.
I am so much more than pixels on a screen.
I'm strong and opinionated.
There are many ups and down to me.
Nothings better then a day spent with someone I love.
Growing up isn't always easy but being hurt and naive is much worse.
These past few months I've realized a lot about myself, I sell myself short of my worth,
I worry too much, I enjoy some of the most fucked up things, I don't care who I hurt as long as I don't get hurt,
I am blunt to the point it burns people, and Im moody.
Stay strong and don't let anyone else get you down,
You are your own worst enemy in the end because you make your decisions.
What is there to say?
I have come a long way since
what most of you know, Things have changed
about me but everything else is entirely
the same. Life is getting more confusing,
People are getting harder to understand
Constant backstabs. Constant friendships broken.
Constant arguements and fights. Hurtful words
That make us cry. Everything that once seemed good
all turned bad. Everything I use to love is now
a wanting or more of a need to have back
I mess things up, I say stupid things
I get mad very easy, I cry faster then my words
speak. I will call you names but never mean it.
Say I hate you but i'll always regret it.
At a time I might ignore you, or exclude you from
my life but realize I don't mean to but
is that really an excuse? I would say the things I do
are more hurtful then what is spoken
I try to be the best I can but hell what can I say
We as people make mistakes
I mess up more then I fix
I tell lies but lies that hold truth
I tell truth that holds lies
But who in the world doesnt?
I want happiness to be continued, friendships to
be once again. I want hugs that speak words
and conversations that leave me speechless
I want some one to hold my heart, and keep it
safe against theirs. I want some one to confinde in.
I want words to hold truth, and words that make me smile
I want things that make us giggle, and
a life with lasting laughs. I want everything that seems
good but also I want the bad. Without bad we would have
Nothing and nothing would never last, Without bad we
would not learn from all the mistakes that we tend to make
And If i were to tell you of all the times I messed up
My list would go on for days, because as I am only human
every thing i do will add up. I carry with me memories
Everything that keeps me happy. I hold on to my hope
and faith it makes me feel alive.
I close my eyes and wish on stars
I make wishes when numbers on the clock are the same
I get giddy over cute love songs,
I smile at crony lines
I flush red over little things
I talk fast when I get nervous
I bite my nails when I am bored
Every little thing I do makes me feel great
Every time I hold a wish, it tells more stories I
yet not know. I will give you all of me for one
thing in return. Never ask me to be who I am not
because in the end I will never change.
those few words of "I wish you could be like her or like him"
Will slowly be flushed down a drain.
Don't flatter your self over little remarks
Talk about me? Well then thats you.
Don't like me then bye.
The world isn't pretty and people dislike things
theres so much of me to hate, but if you hate it
why give me the attention?
So tell me when you really mean or I will never believe
If you want to hear how I feel then
Find a way to get through me. Find a way to break my
wall that I have built so well.
My one goal is to make you smile
to keep you happy for a lifetime
To be a good friend, to make good memories
To be the best that I can be,
So what more can I say? things to know and things
you may never like I can not change for you
I am only one person, there are so many in this world
one little person named Erika.
Unlike most of you, I know exactly whats the difference between telling my opinion to someone and offending someone. You can explain everything in a gentle way. Yes, the truth does hurt but if you are mature enough you can say something that is actually worth listening to and not just your average bullshit coming out of your mouth that you may call "brutal honesty".

I gave up on people. I am not going to open up for you, you have to earn it. Of course you will know some basics about me that everyone knows but you will never see what is going on inside my mind. Only if i decide to tell you. Which i highly doubt will ever happen if you don't prove me that you're worth my trust. I have many beautiful friends in my life and on here too.
y life is not perfect. Neither I am. I don't piss glitter or puke glamour. I have many flaws to deal with. I am just a human who can laugh, care, be free, get hurt, be down or cry. And I am not going to pretend that I am the one who you won't affect with your words. But! Keep in mind please, that only my friends opinions count to me.

I might come across as a stuck up bitch, a person to look up to, a person that is cruel, a person that lets things slip by her ears without reacting. It doesn't matter. I am not here to entertain you or to please you. If you like me, then don't hesitate writing to me. If you don't, then sorry, ignore me. You don't have to talk to me. But never forget: I always have a last word to everyone.

I'm changing more, so get ready for it. I'm done being nice. if you're on my bad side you're never going to get on my good side. I can hold grudges for a very long time. i absolutely hate liars, so if i ever catch you lying to me or behind my back, you're seriously done and out of my life. i have serious trust issues and people piss me off very quickly. i hate half the people on my space, that think so highly of themselves. it's so annoying. the people i have in my life right now mean so much to me, and i know they won't let me down like all the other people that were in my life before. i think too much, i can read people like no other, i know fake from real, and i get jealous really easy, but I'm trying to help that. when I'm done with school, i would like to go traveling. The year of 2009 is going to be a good year for me, I'm going to forget what happened in 2008. I'm not letting people walk all over me anymore, or people get to me as much.

Don't try to get inside my mind,I lost it a long time ago.If I was my heart,I'd be dead.I suffer from multiple personalities.I could be pretty quiet or really loud.Really nice or a complete asshole.I'm insecure,and self concious but I could have the biggest ego you'd ever see.I'm your best kept secret.I'm that one question that really bugs you because you just can't find the answer to it.I'm hard to understand, but easy to get along with.If I let you,take a chance and talk to me.Maybe you'll blow my mind.

Let me entrance your mind a bit.

I like to sit in the middle of an empty room and wonder, wonder about life and how it'd be different how I'd be different if things hadn't been this way.

Sometimes my thoughts aren't my own, but if you want you can borrow my conscious for a while. I won't be needing it soon.
Rarely am I completely focused on one task, multiple ones at a time are what I need.

I like to walk in the middle of the road and wonder about the person bold enough to mow down my arrogant swagger.

I don't like similarities, differences and changes capture me. Something constantly changing, an enigma are things that fascinate me and are more constantly protruding in my thoughts.

Sitting down, my mind walks through steps down that pathway no one else dares venture.

I'm an honest person. I get along with nearly everyone . I prefer to be happy.
I tend to think about the past a lot more than I think about the future. I love to contemplate the inner workings of peoples thoughts. Let me disect your mind, I promise not to be intrusive.

Let me into your life, I can be your greatest addiction. Get to know me through my gestures, know me for what's true, not from what you hear of others. Don't let my looks distract you. And I'll be sure to return the favor.

I have so many possibilities for my future but I dont know if I will be able to grasp them. I do the best I can do everyday, hoping it will be enough to get through to the next. People try to stand in my way but I walk right past. My mind is always filled with thoughts and ideas but sometimes I cant go through with them. I love arts and no one will stop me in pursuing my dream. Im really just like everyone else, but in a different way.

I grew up in a world where imperfection was not an option, family was your enemy, and image was everything. I would twist and mold myself until I reached everyone around me's satisfaction. I was a puppet trained to arouse everyone around me, but I forgot someone along the way..myself. As I gradually grew up more and more, I started to realize just how much I had forgot myself and was living everyone elses dream. I knew eventually I would have to stop this, but doing this meant I would have to leave my concrete life and start over new. I chose to take a stand, I did the only thing that I could think of at the time, I slowly started to destroy everything that made me the girl everyone loved. pound by pound I lost, hair chopped, self esteem lost. Soon after, everything else faded, there was no more perfect puppet. Thats what I wanted...right? I went from being the one everyone loved to the one I hated, I couldnt grasp the feeling of being myself. A year passed and I still could not seem to lead my own life. Looking in the mirror was like facing and staring at my enemy. I realized if I ever wanted to become fully at peace, I would turn to drastic measures, if you dont like something about yourself, I believe you have the power to change it,...unfortionately..I took it to far. I was not living MY life..i was living in the footsteps other people has set up for me to be. I hurt my body, and completely tore the ones around me's hearts. I knew I couldnt keep doing this, so i had to end it once and for all. I said fuck it all. My search for perfection ended, I had grown to love the person I had become, I was at peace. I guess some of you that are reading this are asking in your head, "Why is she spilling out like this?" or.."What the hell is she talking about???" Well I know somewhere or maybe even someone that is reading this has problems finding who they are. We tend to mask ourselves and try to become something our society accepts. Well I for one will gladly stand up and say fuck society. Dont be afraid of who you really are. everyone has something about them that makes them unique, it just takes the brave ones to show it off to the world, but sadly, this is what we label as..our local freaks...Well if being a freak means being myself then I guess I can accept that. Im encouraging you to also.If your one that gets effected by labels, well sadly let me tell you this. Break out of your mask Accept the labels, and shine. Show everyone exactly who you are, and always remember, for every sunset, there is a sunrise soon to follow it.